The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear Read online

  You don’t have to be prepared to do the entire job by yourself, just prepare yourself to do the best that you can do and remember that God will add what you don’t have.

  Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses

  So how do you know what you can do and what you cannot do? It’s important to understand this if you are to be well-prepared. This will prevent you from wasting your time on something you won’t succeed at anyway. I am a good public speaker but I am not a good musician or singer. At one time in my life I decided I wanted to learn to play the guitar. I quickly discovered that I had zero ability in that area. First of all, my fingers are short and do not comfortably reach around the neck of the guitar. I struggled and managed to play a few notes but did not enjoy it at all. Why? Because playing guitar was not what I was supposed to do. Had I continued to insist on learning to play guitar I would have felt like a failure; and had I ever tried to play in front of people I certainly would not have felt confident. As hard as you may try, you cannot be properly prepared and feel confident to do something you are not meant to do.

  Make sure that whatever you are trying to do is something you are really meant to do and not just something you want to do to impress people. It is a sad truth that some people spend most of their time and all their money trying to impress people they don’t even like.

  Don’t be afraid to admit what you cannot do. Know your weaknesses and pray for God to send people into your life to do what you cannot do. I cannot sing and play musical instruments but God has always provided me with a good praise and worship leader for my ministry. I don’t know anything about all the equipment it takes to record television and air a show worldwide but I am surrounded by people who know what I don’t know. I am not afraid to say that I’m not good at something and I don’t waste my time trying to develop my weaknesses.

  Another very important thing is that you must absolutely know your strengths. Make a list of what you are good at and rehearse it daily until you gain confidence in your abilities. Thinking about what you’re good at is not conceited; it is merely preparation to do your job with confidence. I know that anything I am good at is because God has gifted me in that area and I thank Him all the time for the abilities He has equipped me with. Some of you may have never seriously thought about what you’re good at and if not it is time for you to begin. Make a list and read it out loud to yourself at least three times a day until you are convinced.

  Here’s my list:

  I am a good communicator

  I am a hard worker

  I have a lot of common sense

  I am organized

  I am decisive

  I am determined

  I am disciplined

  I am a loyal friend

  I have a good short-term memory

  I love to help people

  I love to give

  I did not make this list in order to brag but to show you how to do it and to encourage you to be bold enough to do it. Make positive affirmations to yourself every day about your qualities. Jesus came to take care of what you could not do so let Him do His job and thank Him for it.

  If you are a good mother and homemaker, then say so. I believe I am a good wife and mother. I am not a normal one, but I am a good one. It took me a long time to be willing to say that. For many years the devil convinced me that I was not a good wife and mother because I was not able to do all the things other wives and mothers did. I finally realized that I did not call myself into the ministry, God did. He also gave a grace (special ability) to my family for me to be in ministry. Yes, there were things they had to sacrifice, but there have been benefits also. Each time in life we gain something, we give up something to get it. If you were going to be a concert pianist you would spend many hours practicing while other people entertained themselves and then one day you would have the privilege of being the one who entertained them. You sacrifice and then you reap the seed you have sown.

  My entire family sacrificed in order for me to do what I am doing in ministry but we have also had the privilege of helping millions of people worldwide and the joy we get from that has more than made up for anything we gave up.

  What are you good at? Do you even know? Have you seriously thought about it or have you been so busy thinking about what you are not good at that you have not even noticed your abilities? Start today reversing the negative flow by being bold enough to actually realize that you are a great person with wonderful abilities. Everyone is! Remember, God does not make junk. After God created the entire world and Adam and Eve, He looked at all of it and said, “It is very good!” In Psalm 139 David describes how God creates us in our mother’s womb with his very own hand. How He delicately and intricately forms us. Then he says, “wonderful are your works and that my inner self knows right well.” WOW! What a statement. David is basically saying, “I am wonderful and I know that in my heart.” He is not bragging on himself, but on God who created him.

  The Importance of Prayer

  Praying is probably the most important part of preparation, yet so many people today ignore or forget this vital part of the process. I suggest you don’t do anything without first praying and asking God to get involved and make it work out right. Jesus said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing,” and I believe Him.

  The Bible says that we should acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our steps and make them sure (Proverbs 3:6). It’s not enough to know that He’s there. We must call on Him daily for His guidance and His strength. Think about the young child who insists on putting on a shirt or sweater by himself; he squirms and tugs and twists and groans, and all the while his mom patiently waits beside him, wishing he would ask for help. When Jesus ascended into heaven and sat down at the right hand of the Father, He sent the Holy Spirit to be our Helper in life. He is always ready to get involved, but we must ask for His help. It’s like preparing to cook dinner and a world-renowned gourmet chef walks in and tells you he’s available to assist you. The Holy Spirit offers world-renowned supernatural service so why not ask for it? God will enable you to do things that will frequently surprise you if you take Him as your partner in life. But you must start with prayer.

  * * *

  I have been walking with God most of my life and I am still learning the importance of not trying to do anything without praying.

  * * *

  I have been walking with God most of my life and I am still learning the importance of not trying to do anything without praying. The Bible says we are to pray without ceasing. This does not mean that we do nothing all day except pray but it does make the point that prayer is one of the most important things we can ever do. We need to pray our way through the day. Prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives, situations and the lives of our loved ones.

  I once heard of a region in Africa where the first converts to Christianity were very diligent about praying. In fact, the believers each had their own special place outside the village where they went to pray in solitude. The villagers reached these “prayer rooms” by using their own private footpaths through the brush. When grass began to grow over one of these trails, it was evident that the person to whom it belonged was not praying very much.

  Because these new Christians were concerned for each other’s spiritual welfare, a unique custom sprang up. Whenever anyone noticed an overgrown “prayer path,” he or she would go to the person and lovingly warn, “Friend, there’s grass on your path!” 1

  Prayer makes tremendous power available (James 5:16). Don’t let your prayer life reflect weeds of inconsistency or neglect. New confidence can quickly form when you have the power of God’s Holy Spirit working in your life. Don’t live in weakness when power is just a prayer away.

  Prepare for Promotion

  Over the years we have released several great people from the ministry simply because we outgrew them. Professionally they were very valuable at one time but they did not continue getting training, even when we offered it to them, so they could go into t
he future with us. Perhaps some of them were not supposed to stay with us. God probably had something else for them to do. Not everything lasts forever; some things are only meant for a season in life. However, I do believe that some of our former employees missed a great opportunity because they wanted promotion but they were not willing to prepare, they were not willing to take the additional training or learn new skills to help them improve.

  It seems like people want more for less these days. There’s an entire generation now in their twenties called the “Entitlement Generation,” also known as the Millennials, the older end of the generation born between 1979 and 1994. This is a generation that’s used to instant gratification and they expect more than they’re necessarily willing to work to achieve.2

  You don’t deserve a promotion and a big pay raise just because you sit in a company chair for another year. You must be willing to be more valuable to your employer and the only way you can do that is by taking more responsibility or doing the job you do better than you have done it in the past. Some people get passed over when the company is looking for someone to promote and they never realize it is because they don’t do their part to get prepared.

  It has always amazed me how some people will be aggressive and do whatever they need to do to be all they can be in life, while others do nothing but complain because nobody is dropping opportunities in their lap. If you want to keep your job then make a decision to grow with your company; don’t sit idly by and let it outgrow you.

  As I said, “Be a lifetime learner.” Read, listen and learn. Go to school or take special classes to keep up with advancing technology in your field. If you make an investment you will reap a reward. The more you know about what you are doing, the more confidence you will have. The more confidence you have, the more confidence others will be able to place in you. Preparation is the key to success. If you get prepared now, you will be promoted later.

  Chapter Eight

  WHEN THE WORLD SAYS NO

  Henry Ward Beecher was a young boy in school when he learned a lesson in self-confidence which he never forgot. He was called upon to recite in front of the class. He had hardly begun when the teacher interrupted with an emphatic, “No!” He started over and again the teacher thundered, “NO!” Humiliated, Henry sat down.

  The next boy rose to recite and had just begun when the teacher shouted, “No!” This student, however, kept on with the recitation until he completed it. As he sat down, the teacher responded, “Very good!”

  Henry was irritated. “I recited just as he did,” he complained to the teacher. But the instructor replied, “It is not enough to know your lesson, you must be sure. When you allowed me to stop you, it meant that you were uncertain. If the entire world says, ‘No!’ it is your business to say, ‘Yes!’ and prove it.”

  The world says, “No!” in a thousand ways:

  “No! You can’t do that.”

  “No! You are wrong.”

  “No! You are too old.”

  “No! You are too young.”

  “No! You are too weak.”

  “No! It will never work.”

  “No! You don’t have the education.”

  “No! You don’t have the background.”

  “No! You don’t have the money.”

  “No! It can’t be done.”

  And each “No!” you hear has the potential to erode your confidence bit by bit until you quit altogether.

  The world might even say, “No! You can’t do that, you’re a woman.” That is what I heard when God called me into the ministry. But I’m not the first woman to be told that I should ignore God’s leading on my life or was offered suggestions that conflict with my primary purpose or desire of serving God. As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, the war between women and Satan got its start in the Garden of Eden and has not stopped. Satan hates women because it was a woman who gave birth to Jesus and it is Jesus who has defeated Satan. However, don’t think that just because the devil is against you that success is out of your reach. The devil may be against you, but God is for you and with Him on your side you absolutely cannot lose. You just need to be bold enough to say “Yes!” when the world says, “No!”

  I remember how hard it was for me to go forward when I stepped out in faith to do what I believed God had called me to do. Most of my family and almost all of my friends turned against me. At that time I didn’t really understand the Scriptures that people tried to use against me but I knew that I literally felt compelled to serve God. I had such zeal and desire that it motivated me to go on even when the whole world (with the exception of a few people) was against me. Thank God my husband was for me. His encouragement in those early days was very valuable to me.

  Even though most of the world told me I could not do it, I have been doing it for over thirty years and intend to continue until Jesus calls me out of this world. God has done it in spite of what everyone thought. People cannot stop God!

  Beware of Being a People-Pleaser

  Anyone who tries to keep all the people happy all the time will never fulfill their destiny. Consider the story of the woman from California who kept two bottled water coolers in her kitchen. It wasn’t because she was extra thirsty or on a health kick; it was because she couldn’t say no to either water company when they called! She was afraid that the salesmen would say bad things about her if she said no.1

  Maybe you don’t have problems saying “no” to telemarketers but maybe you do struggle with saying “no” to your friends, or your family, or your church family, even at the detriment of what you feel God is calling you to do. People are not always happy for your success and even well-meaning people will try to stop you from making progress. You must know your own heart and what you believe you are supposed to be doing and do it. If you make a mistake you will know it soon enough; when you do, don’t be too proud to say, “I was wrong.”

  “Step out and find out,” is my slogan. I hate to see people shrink back in fear and be so afraid of making a mistake that they never try to do anything. I know a young man who quit a good job to go into music ministry. It was a bold step and he did everything he could to make it work but it just didn’t (at least not at this time). However, I am proud of him that he was bold enough to try. At least now he won’t spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been if only he had tried. I think it is better to try and fail than never to try at all. Sometimes the only way we can discover what we are supposed to do with our lives is to try different things until we see what works and what fits right in our heart.

  People give us all kinds of advice, most of which we do not ask for. Listen, and as one minister said, “Eat the hay and spit out the sticks.” Take anything that is helpful and good but don’t let the opinions of other people control you, because as Henry Bayard Swope said: “I cannot give you the formula for success but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody.”

  * * *

  God uses men and women who are set on obeying and pleasing Him, not those who are controlled by the fear of man.

  * * *

  The Apostle Paul made it clear that if he had tried to be popular with people he would not have been an apostle of Jesus Christ (Galatians 1:10). King Saul lost the kingdom because he allowed his fear of man to cause him to disobey God (1 Samuel 13:8–14). God took the kingdom away from Saul and gave it to David, a man after His own heart. David did not let people control him as Saul did. David’s own brother Eliab showed disapproval of him but the Bible says that David turned away from Eliab and continued on with what he was supposed to do (1 Samuel 17:28–30). We should turn away from the people who try to discourage or accuse us instead of allowing what they say or think to affect us adversely.

  God uses men and women who are set on obeying and pleasing Him, not those who are controlled by the fear of man. We all want to be liked and accepted but we cannot let that desire control us.

  I cover this subject in great detail in my book Approval Addiction whic
h came out in 2005; it is a complete guide to overcoming an off-balance need to please people and I wrote it because for years, I tried to be my idea of the perfect Christian, trying to please everyone and pleasing no one and I struggled and suffered for it. Unless you listen to God and follow your own heart you will live an unfulfilled and frustrated life. Anyone who allows other people to control them and guide their destiny will eventually become bitter and feel used and taken advantage of. I am sure you have heard the popular statement, “To thine own heart be true,” and I want to say that I highly recommend that if you aren’t already doing so, that you start following that advice.

  History is filled with people who accomplished great things and yet they had to persevere past the criticism and judgment of people. Some of the world’s greatest inventors were persecuted by their family or friends but they pressed on, because they believed in what they were doing.

  Benjamin Franklin longed to write for his older brother’s newspaper where he worked as a printing apprentice but his brother refused to let him. Ben wrote stories anyway, under a pen name, Silence Dogood, a fictional widow who was very opinionated, particularly on the issue of the treatment of women. Every letter was snuck under the printing shop’s door at night to avoid discovery, and “Silence Dogood” became wildly popular. After sixteen letters, Ben finally admitted that he was the writer and though he received quite a bit of positive attention from everyone else, his brother only grew angrier and more jealous. This resulted in Ben receiving beatings and finally running away. Among the many inventions and improvements he created in his lifetime, Ben eventually started his own printing shop and took over a newspaper, the Pennsylvania Gazette, which under his supervision became the most successful in the colonies.2