The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear Read online

  It’s clear today that a lot of people don’t know how to use their authority with responsibility and love. The statistics regarding child abuse of every kind are staggering—and increasing at an alarming rate. We all ask ourselves, “How could anybody abuse a helpless, innocent child?” Yet, it happens somewhere in the world every minute of every day. Why? Some adults are simply selfish. My father abused me sexually in order to fulfill a selfish sexual desire. He was in authority and no one could stop him; therefore, he did what he wanted to do. He did not consider what the outcome would be for me; he thought only of what he wanted at the moment.

  Abuse can take other forms too. Some parents take their frustrations out on their children, verbally and physically, depriving them of the emotional nurturing they need. Children are blamed, accused, resented, and looked at as an inconvenience. Many children are burned, beaten, starved, locked up, and treated in other unbelievably cruel ways. I could tell you story after story that would break your heart, but that is not my purpose for this book. My purpose is to encourage you as women, to tell you that it is time for you to take your rightful place in the family and society. It is time for you to have a healthy self-respect, balanced self-love and a firm, unshakeable confidence in God and the gifts, talents, and abilities that He has placed on the inside of you. You are woman! God loves you, you are equal with men, and you have a destiny. It is high time someone realizes who you really are!

  Chapter Three

  DOES GOD USE WOMEN IN MINISTRY?

  The debate of whether or not it is proper for women to be used in ministry still rages today, at least in some circles. This question is especially touchy: Can a woman pastor a church?

  As I address this subject, I want to emphasize from the outset that I am not trying to cast dispersion on men in general, because some men truly support women being used by God. These men have thoroughly studied what the Bible says on the subject and they have learned that God always has, and always will, use women in key leadership roles. I know many men who have actually fought to restore women’s rights in the church.

  However, there are men—and entire denominations—that are very much against women holding key positions in church leadership, or doing anything that would be defined as preaching or teaching anything more than a children’s Sunday school class.

  Historically, women have often been allowed to do a lot, if not most, of the praying and servant-type work in the church. Meanwhile, these same men who refused to let them preach or teach stay home and rest.

  Visit any typical American church and you’ll find more women Sunday school teachers than men. This fact is important, because, if we are to take Paul’s famous statement about women needing to be silent in the church literally, then they should not be doing all of this Sunday school teaching. The men should be doing it all.

  No wonder most of the women I talk to about this subject are confused about the whole thing. Especially the ones who believe God is calling them to do something for Him, but are being told to do so would be against Scripture. To confuse matters further, most churches today see more women than men attending services and prayer meetings. Pastors often tell me that if the women quit showing up at church and doing so much of the work, most churches could not survive.

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  Pastors often tell me that if the women quit showing up at church and doing so much of the work, most churches could not survive.

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  Again, I want to say I am grateful for the men who actually fight for women’s rights and those who have tried to bring a balanced understanding of women’s roles in the church. There are many of them, and I appreciate them all. I have been shown respect and honor by thousands of men, but there are still men in positions of spiritual authority who are able to prevent women from taking their proper roles. This makes me sad. Why should women be prevented from fulfilling their God ordained destiny by men who have an oversized ego and refuse to look at everything God has to say about women?

  If some men want to have all the authority, they should also take all of the responsibility. Nobody should have authority without also having the responsibility that goes with it. Sad to say, many women are the spiritual head of their home. Some women need their men to rise up and be real men, and I believe that means to be a man who seeks God regularly and leads his family in righteousness and godliness. I certainly know many fine men who are doing that—including my own husband—but I would like to see more men make progress in this area.

  I encourage women to pray for their husbands, that they will indeed take their place as the spiritual head of the home. I also encourage women to let men do that without opposing them. Some women say they want their husbands to be the head of the home, but when he tries, they resist him.

  How Much Work Are the Critics Doing?

  It’s a time-tested truth: Most people who criticize others for what they are doing, are usually doing nothing themselves. It is sad when people have nothing better to do than criticize those who are trying to do something to make the world a better place.

  I recall being a member of one church in which the pastor felt that women should be used only in certain ways. Any woman who wanted to do anything other than pray, clean, or work in the nursery had to present her case to him and the elders for their approval. I was teaching a very successful home Bible study when we began attending the church, and one Sunday as we were leaving the building after the service, the pastor stopped Dave and me. He looked at Dave and said, “Brother, you should be teaching that meeting in your home, not your wife!” Dave and I wanted to be obedient to the authority we were under, so the next few weeks Dave tried to teach and I tried to be quiet. Neither one of us were happy, nor were the people who were attending the study. The pastor had his rules, but the problem was that God had called me to teach, and He had not called Dave in that way. Dave has other wonderful, valuable gifts and is a very important part of our ministry, but he will be the first to tell you that he is not called to teach. Surely if God had not wanted me to teach, He would not have gifted me to do it—and given me a desire to do it. As far as I can discern from Scripture, God is not in the business of frustrating and confusing people.

  The pastor I mentioned came from a religious background in which women were not ordained, nor allowed to hold any public office in the church. They were not permitted to teach, preach, or pastor. The thing that is odd is that in most churches where women are not allowed to perform these functions, they are allowed to be missionaries in foreign lands. I cannot figure out how a woman can be a successful missionary and never teach. It is impossible to lead people to Christ without preaching the gospel to them. We may refer to it as “witnessing,” but the principal is the same as far as I’m concerned. Of course, I am quite sure that a critic would say it is all right for women to speak about Christ, unless it is in the church, but is the church a building or a living organism consisting of people all over the world who are followers of Jesus Christ? Surely the church is more than brick and mortar with stained glass windows and an organ.

  While attending this same church, I also gathered a group of women together and motivated them to go with me once a week to pass out gospel tracts. We put the literature on car windshields and handed them to people in shopping malls and on street corners. In a few weeks, we had distributed ten thousand gospel tracts, for no other reason than we wanted to serve God. I was called before the elders and corrected publicly for distributing this material without the elders’ permission.

  Those who criticized me did not want to help me get the tracts out, but they did want to stop me. I am sorry to have to say this, but I believe their disapproval was nothing more than male ego. They saw a woman doing what they should have been doing, so they found fault with me in order to soothe their own guilty consciences.

  Women in Ministry: A God-Ordained Tradition

  Whether we look at Miriam, Deborah, Esther, and Ruth in the Old Testament—or Mary the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, or Pris
cilla in the New Testament, we easily see that God has always used women in ministry. When He needed someone to save the Jews from the destruction that wicked Haman had planned for them, He called upon Esther (Esther 4:14b). If God is against using women, why didn’t He call a man for this job? Esther sacrificed her plans as a young woman and allowed herself to be taken into the king’s harem in order to be in a position to speak on behalf of God’s people when the time came to do so. Because of her obedience, God gave her favor with the king, and she exposed a plot to kill all of the Jews. She saved her nation and became a queen who held a high position of leadership in the land and cared for the poor.

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  If God did not want to use women in ministry, why did He include them in the most important events in Jesus’ life?

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  Deborah was a prophetess and a judge. As a prophetess, she was a spokesperson for God. As a judge she made decisions on God’s behalf (Judges 4:5).

  Mary Magdalene and some other women were the first to visit the tomb on Resurrection Sunday (John 20:1). They found the tomb empty, but an angel appeared to them and gave these instructions, “Go and tell His disciples that He is arisen.” “Go and tell.” Sounds to me like the preaching of the Gospel. Actually, Luke records that when Mary and her friends found the other disciples, it was the disciples who didn’t believe that Jesus had risen from the dead and the tomb was empty. I wonder why some of them had not already been to the tomb? Why was it just the women who ventured out?

  A woman gave birth to our Savior, and many women helped care for and support Jesus during His life and ministry. Women were at the cross when He died, and first at the empty tomb. If God did not want to use women in ministry, why did He include them in the most important events in Jesus’ life?

  It seems to me that God gave women a place of honor—rather than excluding them like some men have tried to do.

  Want more examples? Priscilla and her husband, Aquila, had a church in their home and since she is mentioned equally with him, she must have pastored the church alongside him (Acts 18:2–26). Interestingly, her name is listed first, which some scholars say may indicate that she had a larger pastoral role than her husband.

  Women ministered both to and with Jesus. The same Greek verb that is translated deacon and applied to seven men in the New Testament is also applied to seven women. They are: Peter’s mother-in-law; Mary Magdalene; Mary, the mother of James and Joses; Salome, the mother of Zebedee’s children; Joanna, the wife of Chuza; Susanna; and Martha, the sister of Mary and Lazarus.

  When Luke mentions the travels of Jesus, he also mentions the twelve men who were with Him, and some women. Is it possible that these women had a publicly recognized role similar to that of the men? At least one scholar believes they did. These women provided for Jesus from their belongings, according to Luke (Luke 8:3).

  When the 120 people gathered in the upper room on the day of Pentecost, the count included women (Acts 1:14, 15). If women did not need power to spread the gospel, why were they included in the outpouring of the Holy Spirit? Acts 1:8 states clearly that “when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you shall receive power to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea and to the ends of the earth.”

  When Joel prophesied about the future outpouring of the Holy Spirit, he said that God would pour His spirit out upon all flesh. Upon his menservants and his maidservants He would pour His spirit out (Joel 2:28, 29). He said that “they” would prophesy. He did not just say that men would prophesy. To prophesy can mean the same thing as teaching and preaching. It simply means to speak forth the inspired word of God.

  Of the thirty-nine co-workers that Paul mentioned throughout his writings, at least one-fourth were women. In Philippians 4, Paul encourages Euodia and Syntyche to keep cooperating and states that they had toiled along with him in spreading the good news of the gospel.

  Beyond the preceding examples from the Bible, I could create a very long list of women who have been successfully used throughout church history to do major things in God’s kingdom. Just a few are Julian of Norwich, Madam Guyon, Joan of Arc, Aimee Semple McPherson, Kathryn Kuhlman, Maria Woodworth Etter, Mother Teresa, Catherine Booth of the Salvation Army, Corrie ten Boom, and Joni Eareckson Tada.

  But, What About Paul?

  Let a woman learn in quietness, in entire submissiveness.

  I allow no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to remain in quietness and keep silence [in religious assemblies]. (1 Timothy 2:11, 12)

  In almost every interview I do, I am asked what I think about what Paul said about women keeping quiet in the church and not being allowed to teach men. Thankfully, after I am finished with this book, I can simply tell people to get a copy prior to the interview. Then they’ll know what I think.

  First, we must realize that there are absolute truths in Scripture, and then there are truths that are relative to the times they were written in. In 1 Corinthians 14, when Paul told the women to be silent, he had already told two other groups to be silent. They were those who spoke in tongues and those who prophesied (see 1 Corinthians 14:28, 32, 34). All of these instructions were intended to bring order to the service—not to silence the people forever or prevent them from teaching and preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. To be honest, given that so many people need to hear the gospel, I cannot imagine God forbidding any willing person to preach it. The Lord has instructed us to pray that He would send laborers out into the harvest. He said the harvest is ripe and the laborers are few (Luke 10:2). He did not say, “Pray that I will send male laborers into the harvest.”

  Now, back to our troublesome passage from Paul. It appears that those who spoke in tongues, those who prophesied, and some of the women were all disrupting the service for various reasons. They lacked self-control, and they were not using wisdom to know when to speak out. The women were uneducated and may have been asking questions at inappropriate times. Many of the people becoming Christians had been involved in pagan worship, which included an abundance of loud noises during their worship of pagan gods. It is possible, according to some scholars, that some of the women may have reverted to some of their pagan ways in their excitement and enthusiasm.

  With this background, let’s take a better look at what Paul said.

  The women should keep quiet in the churches, for they are not authorized to speak, but should take a secondary and subordinate place, just as the Law also says.

  But if there is anything they want to learn, they should ask their own husbands at home, for it is disgraceful for a woman to talk in church [for her to usurp and exercise authority over men in the church].

  What! Did the word of the Lord originate with you [Corinthians], or has it reached only you? (1 Corinthians 14:34–36)

  The Corinthian church and Paul wrote letters back and forth with the church leaders asking questions, and Paul answering them. Some scholars point out that Paul seems to repeat a question asked by the Corinthians in verses 34 and 35—and then in verse 36 responds with, “What! Did the word of the Lord originate with you (Corinthians) or has it reached only you?” Notice the exclamation point after the word “what.” It seems Paul sounds surprised at their question and reminds them that God’s Word has come for all people. I tend to agree with this line of thinking; otherwise Paul’s comment in verse 36 makes no sense. He goes on to explain that the Corinthians should earnestly desire and set their hearts on prophesying, speaking in tongues, and interpreting—and not forbid or hinder those gifts. He concludes by saying that all things should be done with regard to decency and propriety and in an orderly fashion.

  You may have noticed that Paul did say that women should not usurp authority over men. It is true that some women who teach or preach may develop a wrong attitude. They may think their position allows them to exercise authority over people. I cannot be responsible for what other women do, but as for me, I can honestly say that when I teach God’s Word, I don’t see myself exercising authority over men or women. I simply
use the gift of communication that God has given me to fulfill the call on my life to teach. I want to help people understand God’s Word so they can easily apply it to their daily lives. When I hold a public meeting, I believe I have authority over that meeting and that I am responsible to keep order, but, once again, I have never felt that I was taking authority over people. The Corinthian church may have been dealing with a woman or some women who had an unscriptural attitude, but all women should not be permanently punished for it.

  It is difficult to know exactly what was going on when Paul wrote this letter, but we cannot take this verse to mean that women were forever forbidden to speak in church. We must look at all of the other Scriptures which clearly indicate that God regularly used women.

  Also, Paul recognized women and their right to learn and be educated when he told them to learn from their husbands at home. As I’ve said before, I believe his comment to keep silent in the church was intended to keep order, not prevent women from participating properly. They were simply to subordinate themselves to the authority present, just as others were expected to do.

  In 1 Corinthians 11:5, Paul gave instructions for a woman to have her head covered when she prayed or prophesied publicly (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes or comforts). Why would Paul instruct a woman in how to dress when she prayed or prophesied (remember, part of the definition of prophesying means to teach), if he required women to always keep silent in the church? It is impossible to prophesy and keep silent at the same time. (Incidentally, it was the custom of the day for women to cover their heads during these times as a sign of respect and submission to authority. That is no longer a custom in our society, and is not something women are taught they have to do.)