The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear Read online

  17 She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.

  18 She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].

  19 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

  20 She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

  21 She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.

  22 She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].

  23 Her husband is known in the [city’s] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

  24 She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service].

  25 Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!

  26 She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

  27 She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

  28 Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],

  29 Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

  30 Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

  31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!

  * * *

  I hope you took time to read the verses above. Let’s go deeper and examine this passage verse by verse so we can take a good look at each quality this woman represents.

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  Verse 10

  A good woman is hard to find; she is to be valued above rubies or pearls. Good women are precious, more precious than jewels or expensive gems. We must intentionally work to build up our husbands with thoughtful, caring questions and statements because like this verse points out, a woman who is capable, intelligent and virtuous is a rare combination. Any man who has a wife like this should appreciate and value her tremendously.

  * * *

  There are other verses in Proverbs that make it clear how important our role as a woman can be to our role as a wife. A good woman is the crowning joy of her husband but a bad one is like rottenness to his bones (Proverbs 12:4). A wise, understanding and prudent wife is a gift from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14).

  * * *

  Verse 11

  Trust is the glue that holds a marriage together and the Bible says that the husband of our Proverbs 31 woman can trust her confidently; he relies on her and believes in her securely. What a blessed thing to be able to say! We live in a society where so many relationships lack these qualities, so when they are present, they should be valued above all else. Confidence, trust and security bring peace and rest to our souls. When we trust others and they trust us, it increases our confidence level. I have confidence in my husband; I trust and feel secure in him. I enjoy these qualities in him and I believe he can also say the same of me. He could not always say that about me. There was a time in my life when I was very unstable but thank God He changes us as we study His Word. We can rely on the promise found in 2 Corinthians 3:18—that if we will continue in God’s Word, we will be transformed (changed) into His image from one degree of glory to another. This transformation does not take place all at once but little by little we are changed.

  * * *

  I disliked the woman in Proverbs 31 until I realized she was an example to me, a goal I could reach for. One that God Himself would help me realize if I put my trust in Him and was willing to change. Over a period of many years this woman I once disliked immensely has become a good friend. Quite often when I make decisions I go to her to see what I believe she would do in a similar situation.

  * * *

  Verse 12

  This woman comforts her husband and does him good as long as there is life in her. Many marriages could be saved from divorce if a woman would take the initiative to begin comforting and complimenting her husband. The husband also has the same responsibility but if he is not doing it, I encourage you to be willing to step out and be the first to make a move in the right direction for your marriage. We notice in our reading of Proverbs 31:10–31 that there is no mention of what the husband does other than the fact that he praises her and is well known in the city because of his fine wife. I believe if you take the first steps of obedience that God will also deal with your husband and you will see positive changes in him. I also believe it will increase your own level of confidence. When we compliment others we begin to see ourselves in a better light also.

  * * *

  A spiritually mature woman will be the first to do what is right even if nobody else is doing so. We live for God and not for man. We live to please the Lord and not people.

  Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily [from the soul] as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,

  Knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ [the Messiah]. (Colossians 3:23, 24)

  Look at the verses just before the passage quoted above (Colossians 3:18–22) and we find instructions for daily living, such as:

  Wives, be subject to your husbands, [subordinate and adapt yourself to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.

  Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.

  Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.

  Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]

  Servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose [with all your heart] because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

  Please notice that there is an instruction to each group of people in a family household and each one is to obey as something done for the Lord and not for man. If everyone would obey these instructions, think of the peace and joy that would fill each of our homes. There would be no divorce.

  * * *

  Verse 13

  Our Proverbs 31 woman is not lazy, nor does she procrastinate. She seeks (craves, pursues and goes after with all her might) wool and flax and works with willing hands (to develop it). One thing is for sure, whether she is making her family’s clothing or making things to sell at the market, she is definitely enthusiastic about it! She does not consider her work drudgery, nor is it something she dreads and complains about doing. This is part of her ministry to her family and she does it with zeal and a positive attitude.

  * * *

  Notice too that there is no mention at all of one member only doing what is right if the others do. No, each member is responsible for their part. Each of us will stand before God and give an account of our lives (Romans 14:12). We will not be asked about another person, but only ourselves. Each of us should strive to do the right thing even if we are the only one willing to do so. This greatly ho
nors God and will be rewarded in due time.

  * * *

  Verse 14

  She plans good meals that include a lot of variety. She even imports things from far countries to make sure her family does not become bored with eating the same things over and over.

  * * *

  Wow! I’m impressed! I fed my family hamburger 1,001 different ways. I must admit I wasn’t too creative. Our budget was meager and I used that as an excuse, but once again our lady in Proverbs challenges us to go the extra mile and make things as good as possible. Making the effort to do things with excellence always makes me feel better about myself and increases my confidence.

  * * *

  Verse 15

  She rises before daylight to spend time with God. She knows that she can never be a good wife or mother unless she feeds herself with spiritual food. I am sure she read God’s Word, prayed, worshipped and praised and made sure she was spiritually ready for the day.

  * * *

  She also had a plan for the day. This is so important because I don’t believe we should be vague and thoughtless, merely getting up daily and waiting to see what happens. People who have this mentality rarely ever accomplish anything, they are usually frustrated and unfulfilled. Have a plan and work your plan. Be disciplined to your plan unless God shows you something else He wants you to do. Our plan does not need to become law, but we should have direction and purpose each day of our lives.

  Our Proverbs woman had household help and I am sure many are thinking right about now, “Well, if I had maids I could get something done too.” Be careful not to use that for an excuse.

  I once knew a woman quite well who was in full-time ministry along with her husband. She was always bemoaning the fact that God had not provided her with any household help. She felt she needed a nanny and a housekeeper, neither of which she had. The more I was around this woman, the more I realized that God had not answered her prayer because she was lazy, disorganized and forever starting things and never finishing them. She needed to show herself faithful in the small things before God would provide the help she thought she needed. She blamed her disorganization and inability to finish projects on the fact that she had no help but that wasn’t really the reason. She could have done fewer things and done them well and then God would have enabled her to do more by giving her help. If we do what we can do, God will always do what we cannot do.

  * * *

  Have a plan and work your plan. Be disciplined to your plan unless God shows you something else He wants you to do.

  * * *

  The majority of women may never have a maid, but there are ways to get our work done and done well. We can enlist the help of children who are old enough to help. We can cut some things out of our schedules that are not really bearing good fruit in order to provide more time for the things we really need to do. I want to encourage you to take charge of your life. Don’t let life manage you, you manage it! Decide what you want to do and then do it. Be careful about making excuses, they rob people of their destiny more than any other thing. A great confidence booster is to feel that you are doing with your life what you know you should be doing, rather than wasting it being disorganized and vague.

  Consider the Scriptures below:

  Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise [sensible, intelligent people].

  Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.

  Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:14–17)

  * * *

  Verse 16

  This verse is very important to me. I am an aggressive person who wants to be involved in everything but I have learned the hard way that it isn’t wise or even possible. We cannot do everything and do anything well. Quality is much better than quantity. Our woman in Proverbs seems to be quite a good businesswoman in addition to being a great wife and mother. Verse 16 begins by saying she “considers” a new field before she buys it. She considers her present duties and is careful not to neglect them by taking on new ones. In other words, she seriously thinks about what she is about to do and does not act emotionally without forethought.

  * * *

  Oh, how much better life would be if we all took time to think about what we are about to do before we do it. It is amazing how many things I don’t buy if I just go home and think about it for a while. It is amazing how one good night’s sleep changes our minds. The things we thought we had to have yesterday may not even interest us the next day. This shows the fickleness of emotions. They are not all bad, they have the ability to bring pleasure, but they cannot be counted on to be stable. Emotions are fickle and ever changing. This is the reason why it is dangerous to do things based on high emotions without giving plenty of consideration to everything involved.

  By not moving emotionally the Bible says the woman saves time and strength which she then uses to plant fruitful vines in her vineyard.

  Everything that looks good is not good and a wise person will take time to examine things thoroughly. If you think about it, what is good is sometimes the enemy of what is best. There may be lots of good opportunities for you to minister in your church; but that doesn’t mean that each opportunity is the best choice for you. We should choose the more excellent things and not merely settle for another good thing. I receive many good opportunities almost daily and I have to decline to be involved in most of them. I know what I am called by God to do and I stick with my call.

  Here is an example: I was recently traveling outside the United States and at the last moment, after my schedule was already set, I received an invitation to speak to the Senate of that nation. My staff encouraged me to take the opportunity but something did not feel right inside my heart about it. I took my time to answer and by not moving too fast and saying yes to something I really had no enthusiasm about, God dropped a question in my heart to ask. I asked if the entire Senate would be required to be there or if it would be voluntary attendance only. The answer came back that the Senate was not in session and that it would be voluntary.

  They also explained that they might have two people or five and the total speaking time would be for five minutes. I don’t make light of five minutes or two people, but when considered with the other things I had an opportunity to do that day I knew I had to say no. I encourage you to take time to think about things. He who is hasty almost always ends up unhappy.

  Our woman in Proverbs 31 expanded prudently. She was in fact a prudent woman and prudence means good management of resources. Each of us has an allotted amount of time and energy and we should manage it in such a way that we bear the most fruit we can. Emotionally driven people usually lead frustrated lives. They are filled with creative ideas but are unable to settle down long enough to lay out a blueprint and get a solid foundation. They want instant results and if they don’t get them they are usually off to another new project that will also fail.

  Any time you want to end up with a quality product, business, ministry or marriage it will take time and patience. Dave and I now enjoy an international ministry that is helping millions of people, but it took thirty years to build.

  I encourage you to “consider” decisions, purchases, and life choices. Be sure you expand prudently. Don’t court neglect of other duties by taking on new ones, unless of course those present duties can be moved on to someone else to make room for your new venture. A sure way to lose your confidence is to have so much to do that you are not doing any of it well.

  * * *

  Verse 17

  Our friend in Proverbs 31 even exercises! Verse 17 begins by saying she girds herself with spiritual and mental strength. We know from a previous verse that she prepared herself spiritually for the day. Perhaps she gains mental strength by meditating on God’s Word throughout the day. Or she may be an avid reader. Perhaps she stays informed of current eve
nts so she can converse intelligently with just about anyone. She remains physically fit for her God-given task which can only mean that she gets plenty of exercise. It may be through her work or something she sets aside time for but she stays physically fit.

  * * *

  I became so concerned about the conditions that most people let their body get into that I wrote a book which was released in April 2006 titled Look Great, Feel Great: 12 Keys to Enjoying a Healthy Life Now! As a Christian, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you need to keep it in good condition so God can work through you the way He desires to. Being excessively tired can adversely affect us and our spiritual life. We are not as spiritually sharp as we should be, and it is easier to be deceived. We don’t have the desire or stamina to pray as normal. We don’t present the best witness to others. It is even easier to be grouchy and unable to walk in the fruit of the Spirit when we feel tired most of the time.