The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear Read online

  In the Bible, James 1:5–8 teaches us that God cannot answer the prayers of a double-minded person. God responds to our faith, not our fears. Self-doubt is fear. Fear that we will make mistakes or do the wrong thing. It often goes beyond being afraid one will do the wrong thing; more often it involves how people feel totally wrong about themselves. They carry a deep-rooted shame and just can’t seem to accept themselves or have confidence in their decision-making ability.

  Probably right about now you may be thinking, “Well, Joyce, I really can’t help how I feel. I wish I felt confident but I just don’t.” What I am getting ready to say to you may be one of the most important things you have ever heard in your life. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL CONFIDENT TO BE CONFIDENT! To live in victory, each of us must learn to go beyond our feelings. I have learned that I can feel wrong and still choose to do what is right. I have also learned that I don’t have to feel confident to present myself in a confident manner.

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  We need to believe God’s Word more than we believe our feelings.

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  If I make a decision and believe it is right at the time I make it, I don’t have to change my mind later just because I begin to think or feel I might have made a mistake. If God shows me I have made a mistake then I need to change my decision, but I don’t have to bow down to every wild thought or feeling that I encounter. When Satan wars against my mind, I can open my mouth and say out loud what God’s Word says about me and you can do the same thing. “For in Him, [I] live and move and have [my] being” (Acts 17:28, pronoun substitution mine).

  It is not wrong to say good things about yourself. We should say “God’s wisdom is in me and I make good decisions.” We need to believe God’s Word more than we believe our feelings. We have already established in this book that feelings can be very fickle, and they are ever changing and are not to be trusted to help us make decisions in life. Feelings in and of themselves are not evil but they certainly can and do lead people astray. Feelings are capable of giving us right information but they are also capable of not giving accurate information; therefore, we have to live deeper than emotions. God’s Word teaches us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Peter 3:11).

  I have had times in life when I felt peace in my heart about a direction I was taking and yet my head argued with me. James 1:22 clearly teaches us that reasoning leads us into deception and betrayal. When we change our mind about a decision we have made, it should be because we have lost our peace about the direction we intended to take or have gained some wisdom or insight that we did not have previously.

  Don’t Shrink

  Self-doubt causes a person to shrink back in fear. God’s Word states in Hebrews that the just shall live by faith and if he shrinks back in fear, God’s soul has no delight in him (Hebrews 10:38). That does not mean God is angry with us, but it does sadden Him that we are living so far below the confident life He provided through Jesus Christ.

  Faith is being confident in God and His Word. Perhaps you have a good relationship with God and have no problem trusting Him, but when it comes to trusting yourself to do the right thing, you shrink—you allow fear to control you and pull you back.

  God once told me that if I didn’t trust myself, then I didn’t trust Him. He said that He was living in me, and directing, guiding and controlling me because I asked Him to do so. I needed to believe God’s promises, not my feelings or thoughts. Of course, any one of us can miss God and we can make mistakes. We can think we are going in the right direction and then discover we are wrong but it’s not the end of the world, nor is it anything to become excessively concerned about. If our hearts are sincere and we are honestly seeking God’s will, even if we do make a mistake, He will intervene and get us back on track. Quite often, He does it without us even knowing.

  I encourage you to believe that you are being led by God unless He shows you otherwise, instead of always assuming you are wrong and living in the agony of self-doubt. Just as God has promised in His Word (John 16:13), trust Him to lead you by His Holy Spirit into all truth. If we are on the wrong track, God will help us get back on the right one.

  When Jim Burke became the head of a new products division at Johnson & Johnson, one of his first projects was the development of a children’s chest rub. The product failed miserably, and Burke expected that he would be fired. When he was called in to see the chairman of the board, however, he was met with a surprising reception.

  “Are you the one who just cost us all that money?” asked Robert Wood Johnson. “Well, I just want to congratulate you. If you are making mistakes, that means you are taking risks, and we won’t grow unless you take risks.”

  Some years later, when Burke himself became chairman of Johnson & Johnson, he continued to spread that word.1

  Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. You will never succeed without making mistakes and possibly many of them. I believe people give their mistakes more power than they need. We should admit them, repent, and ask God to forgive us for them. We should also learn from our mistakes because by doing so, they can add value to our lives. Instead of allowing mistakes to make you feel guilty and bad, let them be your teacher and always remember that just because you make a mistake does not mean you are a mistake.

  Learn to separate your “who” from your “do.” Making mistakes is something we do as human beings, but we are still God’s children and He has a good plan for our lives. He is long-suffering, plenteous in mercy and filled with loving kindness.

  Dave and I have four grown children and I can assure you that over the years they have made many mistakes, but they are still my children and I love them just as much as if they had never made the mistakes. Some parents are so protective over their children that they never allow them to make any of their own decisions or mistakes. This is the biggest mistake of all. To grow we must step out and try things. We learn what works and what doesn’t. Learning from first-hand experience is a much better teacher than a textbook.

  Removing the Sin of Doubt

  Self-doubt is simply the fear of being wrong. The Spirit you have received is not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear (Romans 8:15). God does not want you to live in fear, doubting yourself or doubting Him.

  If you think about it, doubt is actually sin because in Romans 14:23 the Bible says that “whatever is not of faith is sin.” When we allow doubt and despair and fear to take over, that’s when the wall to God’s blessings starts going up. Don’t let that wall even begin to build in your life.

  Doubt is a fear of negative things happening, but faith expects good things to take place. It actually takes less emotional energy to walk in faith than in doubt and fear.

  People who believe and are positive are much healthier than those who are filled with fear, doubt and negativity. Positive people age slower than negative ones and in fact can live longer.2

  You may have developed negativity because of various disappointing events in your life but you were never created by God to be negative, fearful and doubtful.

  As I have shared, I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My father was an alcoholic with an explosive temper. He was almost impossible to please. He was physically abusive to my mother and sexually, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive toward me. I experienced many disappointments and devastations by the age of eighteen. I expected bad things to happen, thinking it would protect me from being disappointed when they did. I can honestly say that nothing turned out in my life the way I would have liked for it to at that time.

  I left home when I was eighteen, got a job and started trying to take care of myself. I thought I got away from the problem because I physically walked away from it; but I didn’t realize I took it with me inside my soul. My mind and emotions were damaged and in need of healing. My will was rebellious and obstinate because I promised myself that nobody would ever hurt me again. My spirit was wounded. I was a broken-hearted person with a very negative attitude. I believe
d in God and prayed for His help but I knew nothing about the laws of faith. Praying and being negative won’t bring an answer. Praying and living in fear won’t either. I had much to learn, but over the years God has been faithful, patient and loving. He changed me, healed me, and gave me the opportunity to help other people who are hurting also. He lifted me out of the ash heap and gave me a life worth living.

  I am free from fear, negativity and self-doubt. This doesn’t mean that these things never try to visit me, but I have learned that I can say “NO” to them just as easy as I can say “YES.” When fear knocks on your door, answer with faith. When self-doubt knocks, answer with confidence! When negative thoughts or conversations come up, I am reminded by the Holy Spirit (or sometimes my husband) that being negative will not help anything or anyone and I decide to change.

  The Power of Decision

  God created each of us with a free will. This gives us the ability to make our own decisions apart from outside influence. Satan tries to force us to do things by placing outside pressure on us but God attempts to lead us by His Holy Spirit from inside our heart where He dwells. Jesus is not demanding or harsh, hard, sharp or pressing. He is humble, gentle, meek and lowly (Matthew 11:29, 30). We are indeed complex creatures. Our mind can think one thing, while our emotions want something else and our will certainly seems to have a mind of its own. Once a person’s willpower is renewed by God’s Word and they know enough to choose good over evil, they become very dangerous to Satan and his kingdom of darkness. The renewed person can override all the negative things Satan has planned by simply exercising their willpower to agree with God and His Word.

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  Once a person’s willpower is renewed by God’s Word and they know enough to choose good over evil, they become very dangerous to Satan and his kingdom of darkness.

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  I have discovered that doubt is a thought planted in my head by the devil. He uses it to keep me from enjoying my life and making progress in God’s good plan for me. I also have discovered that no matter how doubtful I feel, I can decide to go forward in faith. My feelings are not me. I am greater than my feelings and so are you. No matter how we feel we can still choose to do the right thing. Going against your feelings is not always easy because feelings are frequently very strong, but standing against them until you enjoy freedom is much better than continuing to let them run your life and hold you in bondage.

  In Joshua 24:15 we see Joshua make a decision. He says, “Choose you this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.” Joshua made his mind up and nobody was going to change it. He didn’t make his decision based on what others did. He refused to live under the fear of man. If you make a decision don’t allow yourself to become doubtful just because someone else is not doing what you are doing. Don’t assume you are wrong and need to change. Perhaps both of you are right. God leads different people to do different things for reasons that only He knows.

  Practice Makes Perfect

  I encourage you to practice being a positive person. It’s just a matter of breaking one bad habit and forming a new one. I was so negative at one time in my life that if I even tried to think two positive thoughts in succession my brain got into a cramp. But, now I am very positive and actually don’t enjoy being with people who are negative.

  Discipline is required any time you are forming a new habit. You might consider putting some reminders around your house or in your car. Little signs that say “Be positive.” Ask a good friend or spouse to remind you if they hear you slipping into negativism.

  Practice trusting yourself rather than doubting yourself. Remember, you could be wrong, but you could also be right so why not take the positive approach first? If you are applying for a promotion at work, don’t think to yourself or say, “I probably won’t get it.” Pray and ask God to give you favor with your employer and then say “I believe I will get the job!” You might ask, “What happens if I don’t get it?” But what will happen if you don’t try? That’s right, absolutely nothing. And if you try and the outcome isn’t what you were hoping for, then tell yourself “If the job was right for me, God would give it to me, and since He didn’t, He must have something even better in mind for me.” You can train yourself to be positive in what appears to be a negative situation. Don’t let the devil win! He has spread doubt, fear and negativity since the beginning of time and it is high time we stop allowing him to use us as his vessel.

  Expect Favor

  God wants to give you favor—kindness that you don’t deserve. We see mention of God’s favor toward many in the Bible and there’s no reason to think He can’t offer it to you as well. Learn to believe God for favor. Confess several times a day that you have favor with God and man. You will be amazed at the exciting things that happen to you if you speak God’s Word instead of how you feel.

  Supernatural favor can be expressed in different ways. You may get the job you want but are not naturally qualified for. People seem to like you for no special reason. You get the best seat in the restaurant with the best waiter. People give you things for no reason at all. Favor means that someone will stop and let you into a line of traffic while others are zooming by as if you are not even there.

  Living in God’s favor is very exciting. When Joseph was cruelly mistreated by his brothers and they sold him into slavery, God gave him favor everywhere he went. He had favor with Potiphar and was placed in charge of his household. He had favor with the jailer during his imprisonment for a crime he did not commit. He had so much favor with Pharoah that Joseph became second only to Pharoah in power. Yes, God’s favor is an exciting way to live. We see so many men and women that we admire in the Bible being given favor. There was Ruth, Esther, Daniel, and Abraham just to name a few. Resist and refuse to let doubt convince you that good things won’t happen to you and your family; aggressively expect good things! Ask God to give you divine supernatural favor and then expect to see it in your life, daily.

  [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!

  Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:13, 14)

  Claim God’s Word with Confidence

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  • “Be strong (confident) and of good courage . . .”—Joshua 1:6

  • “He makes my feet like the hinds’ [firm and able]; He sets me secure and confident upon the heights.” —2 Samuel 22:34

  • “And you shall be secure and feel confident because there is hope; yes, you shall search about you, and you shall take your rest in safety.” —Job 11:18

  • “In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust.” —Psalm 4:8

  • “By [the help of] God I will praise His word; on God I lean, rely, and confidently put my trust; I will not fear. What can man, who is flesh, do to me?” —Psalm 56:4

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  It Begins with You

  If you have made your mind up that you intend to enjoy the best life God has for you then you must realize that it begins with you. You must believe what God’s Word says about you more than you believe what others say or what your feelings or own mind says.

  Maybe you had negative messages fed into you since you were a child. It could have been a parent who had troubles themselves and took their frustrations out on you. It could have been a teacher who delighted in belittling you in front of the rest of the class. Perhaps your parents excessively compared you to another sibling giving you the impression that you were flawed. You may have experienced one or more broken relationships and became convinced it was your fault. But, whatever the reason for your self-doubt and negative attitude toward yourself, it has to change if you truly desire to enjoy God’s best in your life.

  See yourself as God sees you, not the way the world sees you or even the way you see you
rself. Study God’s Word and you will find out that you are precious, created in your mother’s womb by God’s own hand. You are not an accident. Even if your parents told you they never really wanted you, I can assure you that God wanted you; otherwise you would not be here on earth. You are valuable, you have worth, you are gifted, you are talented and you have a purpose on this earth. God says that He has called you by your name and that you are His.

  Fear not for I have redeemed you [ransomed you by paying a price instead of leaving you captives]; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. (Isaiah 43:1B)

  Because you are precious in My sight and honored, and because I love you, I will give men in return for you and peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you . . . (Isaiah 43:4–5A)

  Take a minute and look into your heart. What do you see there? How do you feel about yourself? If your answer does not agree with God’s Word, I want to encourage you to begin today renewing your mind about yourself. I have written many books that will help you in this area and of course God’s Word is the best reference book that exists.